Child Abuse

Child Abuse

Child molesting

Did you know?

In South Africa it is estimated that one in four girls and one in eight boys are sexually abused before the age of sixteen.

Most perpetrators have no criminal record. They often nurture their victims over many years.

In 80% of the cases the child or the family knows the sexual molester. It could be an uncle, aunt, friend, neighbour, parent, etc. Any person, even in a position of authority, can be a potential molester. This includes strangers.

Lack of knowledge makes innocent children more vulnerable. If we never teach them about and prepare them for situations like these, they think that adults are allowed to do this “because they are adults”. Children, who have never been taught that they have the right to say ‘NO’ to anyone, even adults, and who don’t know anything about sex and sexuality, are more vulnerable.

How can we protect our children?

It is impossible to give our children total protection. We can, however, prepare and educate them about sexual normal sexuality, abuse and molesting. Children must be made aware of all the potential things that can happen, so that they know how to react to avoid them. Depending on the age of your child, you can teach him step by step about the different dangers to look out for, without taking away his innocence or frightening him. You should always try to be aware of where your child is and what he/she is doing. If your child has been molested, remember: it is not the child’s fault.

How do we teach our children?

ë   By using direct and simple language, as well as using the correct names for body parts (start with what the child already knows and build on that). Do not dramatise the situation. Stay calm and present the information in a positive way. We do not want to frighten or confuse our children.

ë   Through  games: ”What if...” game – where you act out different situations which could occur, e.g. “What if a stranger offers you a lift?” This game helps children anticipate what can happen and plan what action to take in these situations.

Through this game you can talk about possible solutions to the problem and agree on a solution that seems to be the best for your child.

Remember: Try and let your child find answers independently. This teaches him/her to be resourceful.

Safe and unsafe touches

Explain that touching that feels bad is unsafe. An unsafe touch is when someone touches them in a way or place that makes them feel uncomfortable. This can confuse and frighten them. Safe touches make them feel warm inside.

Teach children that their bodies belong to them and no one can touch or kiss them in any way that makes them feel uncomfortable. They have the right to say ‘NO’, even if the person is someone they love. They have the right to control what happens to their bodies. You as parent can help your child to recognise his/her own feelings of comfort and discomfort and trust these feelings.

Teach your children how to say ‘NO’

Give your child permission to say ‘NO’ to adults. It is difficult for a child to say ‘NO’ to an adult, but he/she must practise saying ‘NO’ in a very loud voice.

Secrets

Offenders rely on children being willing to keep secrets. Encourage children to never keep something like this a secret, but to always tell an adult they trust.

Bribes

Molesters often offer children bribes in exchange foe sexual favours, e.g. sweets, gifts, money, kittens. Gifts are given freely, but bribes are given to make children do things they do not want to do. This is unsafe.

Threats

Some molesters use various threats to persuade children to be quiet, for example the he will hard the other siblings, kill the parent, or that the police will take the child away from the family. Some perpetrators even go as far as telling the child that with police will arrest him (e.g. if the perpetrator is the bread winner) and that there won’t be anybody to provide for the family and that they will starve to death.

Children should not define people as good or bad

Do not teach your child that there are bad people and good people. Children seem to think that strangers are “bad” people and people they know, or like, are “good” people and won’t hurt them. This is inaccurate.

Teach children to think objectively:

ë   Explain that people have good and bad in them and sometimes even good people could do things to them that they don’t like.

ë   “Good intentions” does not make wrong behaviour right.

ë   Teach them to always say ‘NO’ to anyone who tries to do something that frightens them.

ë   The motto is: Refuse – Run – Report!

Answer children’s questions

Children curios and often ask questions. They hear things on TV and from their friends. Parents should never ignore or minimize these questions. It is important to give honest answers to al their questions. Parents do not need to give all the information to the child, which could frighten or confuse him/her, but just enough to answer the question. If you give honest answers, children will trust you and ask questions again. Questions are good. It gives you as a parent the opportunity to convey the correct information to your child .

Children who know prevention techniques and how to look after themselves are safer and less at risk.

Possible danger signals in children

Although these signs do not necessarily indicate that your child has been sexually molested, they will help you as a parent to identify that something is wrong:

ë  Suddenly children have more money and gifts than usual and the source thereof is unknown to you

ë  Uncle or aunt or other person wants to take out only one child all the time

ë  Your child takes much longer then usual to get home from school

ë  The child’s behaviour towards a certain person suddenly changes

ë  Child makes strange comments about a certain person

ë  Personality of the child suddenly changes and he/she clings to you

ë  Lack of appetite or sudden increase in appetite

ë  Child suddenly wants to be isolated and seems withdrawn

ë  Lack of concentration

ë  Bedwetting

ë  Nightmares, cant sleep at night

ë  Child has a lot of sexual knowledge for his/her age

ë  Depression, withdrawal, suicide attempts, etc.

ë  Medical problems such as chronic itching, pain in the genitals, venereal disease

ë  It is also possible that a child may show no outward signs, and hide what is happening from everyone

If your child has been molested

It is important to stay calm. You must believe your child. Children don’t often lie about being abused.

ë   Question them gently

ë   Don’t make the child feel guilty. It is not the child’s fault.

ë   Tell the child that you are glad he told you, that you are sorry it happened to him and you want to help him.

ë   Get professional help  

Mothusi Projects

Ons bied mini-werkswinkels aan om jongmense te help om krisisweerbaar te wees in tye van krisis en trauma

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Ons is elke jaar geskok deur die aantal jongmense wie suksesvol selfmoord pleeg, betrokke raak by dwelms, misdaad en “verkeerde” maats.

Die doel ons Mothusi-projekte is om jongmense en hul ouers te help om te verstaan wat ‘n krisis is en om die algemene tekens van ‘n persoon wat deur ‘n traumatise tyd gaan te kan identifiseer.

We present mini-workshops to coach young people to be better equipped to handle crisis and trauma.

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 The number of young people who attempt and commit suicide, get involved with drugs, crime and “wrong” friends stuns us every year.

 The aims are to assist them to understand the concept of a crisis, to recognise the general profile of a person going through a traumatic time and how to make a difference.

Kontakbesonderhede:

Inter Trauma Nexus

Posbus 165

Garsfontein

0042

Fisiese adres:

Oppi Plaas, Villieria, Pretoria, RSA

Telefoon: 0123333501

Sel: 0837001441

Faks: 0866335186

E-pos: mothusi@itn.org.za

Webwerf: www.itn.org.za

Contact information:

Inter Trauma Nexus

PO Box 165

Garsfontein

0042

Physical address:

Oppi Plaas, Villieria, Pretoria, RSA

Phone: 0123333501

Cel: 0837001441

Fax: 0866335186

E-mail: Mothusi@itn.org.za

Website: www.itn.org.za